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So I finally got around to watching The Men Who Stare At Goats today. I'll type and screencap as I'm watching so I don't forget anything.
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The movie starts off with this after a man in an army uniform runs into his office wall after staring at it.

Then we move ahead to a reporter interviewing a man who claims to have psychic powers. He says he can kill animals with his mind, because of army training.

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Shows the reporter a video where he "kills" the hamster. Which he actually doesn't because his mom said not to. Then they skip ahead again and reveal that the reporters wife left him. He decides he's going to enlist and go to war. He ends up in Kuwait where he meets Skip. Skip works for a company that makes trashcans.

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Skips real name is Lynn Cassidy, one of the psychics. Lynn walks off and the reporter follows him. When he gets close Lynn jumps out to attack him.

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I find it funny that they are talking about superpowers and Lynn says I'm a jedi. The reporter played by Ewan McGregor stares at him like he's crazy. Ewan McGregor played a jedi himself, so this whole conversation seems doubly hilarious. They go over his powers, which include: phasing, and becoming invible. Lynn says drinking and classic rock help him focus his powers.

Lynn then sees the reporters drawing in his notebook and starts to explain about Jengo. He hands the reporter a book about The New Earth Army.

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Sparkly eyes technique hahaha.

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This is Jengo.

But the russians think the story about the story being a french hoax is just a story sir.
So they are doing psy research because they think we're doing psy research when in fact we weren't doing psy research?
Yes sir. But now that they are doing psy research, we might have to do psy research sir.

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Salute to the sun.

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Lynn does some cloudbursting, which he says helps him keep in shape.
I like how they shot the drive through the desert in this movie. The sunset, and the desert, and the sky with the clouds are all beautiful. Well Lynn drives into a rock and they sit and wait for someone to come by. A pickup truck comes along and they climb in only to get a gun pointed at them while on the road. They end up in some kind of dark room, and Lynn starts talking about destiny. He then shows Bob (? I can't remember the reporter's name) that he has a tattoo that matches Bob's doodle in his notebook.

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Lynn tells Bob that was the jedi in him that caused him to draw that and says they will take down the criminals with their minds. So now Ewan is a jedi in this movie too? He must really like playing jedi. Lynn flashes back to when he met Jengo and began his training in the New Earth Army. Training like dancing, not having solid foods the first week, and uhhh whatever this is:

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Waffles?

Training also includes driving blindfolded, walking on hot coals barefoot, and some kind of weird prayer including the phrase "eat your green skin."

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I just really like that yellow shirt with the cat on it.

OH MY GOD

Ok so that guy is lifting bags of sand with his balls.
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Did I really have to screencap that? Yes. I repeat, he is lifting bags of sand with hooks in his balls. This isn't the strangest movie I've ever seen, but it's up there.

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Lots of sharp weapons.

Lynn attacks the men with a spinning knife technique.... when he has no knives. Then he and Bob steal the pickup truck and drive off.

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They try to rescue the other man who had been taken hostage but Lynn runs him over. Poor guy. Then they get picked up by some guys with guns. I guess they're protecting that business man? They stop for gas and one guy starts shooting yelling about contact. They are security companies, and they're shooting at each other.

"I could hear the little man inside me again, he was screaming like a little girl."

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Poor Mahmoud, his wife left, his house was robbed and shot full of holes. Hey! At least he's alive.

The guy with the mustache who's jealous of Lynn is a real dick.
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He tests a way to increase psychic power on the new guy and the experiment doesn't work. They guy goes nuts and walks naked out to where soldiers are marching and starts shooting at them. Probably shouldn't have used quite so much LSD mustache guy.

The hooker thing is definitely a lie! But he doesn't object to the charge about using money to buy drugs.

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Bob sees Lynn putting the needle in his arm. I think they mentioned in the beginning of the movie that Lynn takes medicine for Crohns?

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I love desert shots.
So they end up sitting at a signpost for half an hour because they can't read the writing. Then Lynn decides to go right, where they hit an ied and flip the car over. Nice job Lynn, yeah your psychic powers are great.

"I think I'm bleeding to death"
"You know Bob you should keep your mouth shut, you can lose a lot of water through your mouth"
They're like an old married couple here. You'd think Lynn would have thought to bring some water or something.

"We're in the middle of the fucking desert because you heard voices?!"
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This is were the goats come in, finally.
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The army is keeping them in an abandoned hospital. They shot the goats so the soldiers could learn to dress wounds properly, they used to use dogs but soldiers didn't like shooting dogs. And they test atomic weapons on goats?

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Lynn kills a goat with his mind.

"The silence of the goats." Bob that's a terrible joke. Lynn talks about the death touch, and I was expecting him to say the guy died after taking 5 steps. Instead he says it took effect 18 years later.

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A goat leads them to water. Watch it be poisonous or something. Then a helicopter comes and they end up in the hospital, which is good because they look like crap.

Goats! In a restricted area. Hmm, I wonder what those are for. It's Bill Jengo! I wonder if this means Lynn really did get a psychic message from Bill?

"There's a subliminal message in this?"
"It's called don't get drunk and fire machine guns."

Then we learn Lynn has cancer. :(
This movie mad me laugh even at a sad scene.

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Lynn asks Bob to take his eagle feather necklace back to Bill. The eagle feather is actually from a turkey. He says it was all fake.

"I just saw Timothy Leary."
"Timothy Leary is dead."

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Bob and Bill put LSD in the eggs, and everyone but them and Lynn eat them. Bill says that he also put it in the main water tank and Bob says "but we drank the water!"

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Yeah. Then they show the effects of the LSD on people in the camp.

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"The weather today is going to be ... hot. It's going to be fucking hot as balls out there, again. This is my favorite part of the movie.

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Wooo! Yeahhh!
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Then they go to rescue the prisoners and Bill says he's going to liberate the base.

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I guess he wasn't as immune to the LSD as he thought he was.

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I knew that wasn't going to last.
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Then he puts the gun in him mouth. He takes it out again, says "Wow, I'm really hungry" and wanders off. What?
Bill and Lynn leave in a helicopter and tell Bob he was the mission. They aren't seen again after their helicopter crashes. That's what happens when you're flying a helicopter while tripping on acid.
The only part of Bob's story that made it to the news was the part about the Barney song being used to torture prisoners. And then Bob is in his office and runs through a wall.
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They actually show him running through the wall. This isn't a very good screen cap, but you can still see what I mean.
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